‘Love’s Lost Attraction’
Oh the fickle ways of love and relationships, it seems they just get more interesting as the relationship progresses. I have always been told and tried to reinforce the concept that Love is unconditional, but that unconditional love has developed layers that even I can’t peel back. I listened to a letter aired on a radio show from a man who was concerned about whether his actions were ‘shallow’ because of his current feelings about his wife of five years.
He wrote about how he loved his wife, professed his respect for her and continued to treat her well, as a gentleman should. But he was no longer physically attracted to her because of the weight she had gained since the birth of their child; now almost five years old. He shared that she gained over 50lbs, and despite his efforts to work out with her and trying to help her eat right, she had not committed to the efforts to lose weight and feels that he should love her no matter what size she is or how much weight she gains.
Now, I know from personal experience that weight is a super sensitive subject for men and women. Not to mention that we all go through physical changes during the course of our lives. The debate about whether or not it’s shallow for a mate to lose interest because their partner has gained weight is a valid topic for a few reasons. In all honesty, 50lbs worth of reason is valid to begin the conversation of what to do when the attraction is suffering. Have you ever heard the saying, “What you did to get them is what you will need to keep them?” That saying would apply perfectly.
No matter how we try to deny it, often the physical attraction is what sparks an interest to get to know someone better, from there we build to see if there’s more; love. So what happens if the physical attraction dissipates? Love can only withstand so much without the reinforcement of physical attraction before it too will wane under the pressure. This is what plants the seeds of cheating, infidelity, heartbreak- divorce.
I know both men and women who state that they are less attracted to their partner because of weight gain. The irony is that these are the same people who vowed to both give and want to receive ‘unconditional’ love — well if there’s a clause that says ” I love you as long as you don’t gain more than 15lbs” that sure sounds like a condition to me. And when the ‘Love’ you have for someone begins developing ‘conditions’, you have to ask if ‘Love’ is the right word to use anymore.
Disclaimer: Topics are meant to inspire debate/conversation; the content is not necessarily the opinion or view of the author.
Priscilla ‘Blayze’ Alford